I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
