I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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