Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
