it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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