My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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