Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
