dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So vagazzling was a success
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
