is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
