Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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