he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
