Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
