and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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