Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
