I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
