3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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