don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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