I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
