Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
