I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
