you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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