I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
