Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
