great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
