So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize