My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
