sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
