she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
