I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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