He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
