were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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