12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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