You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
