i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
