We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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