i permit you to call me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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