I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this will be a night to untag.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
