I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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