she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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