Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
