What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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