Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
