I think im going to throw up on grandma
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
