Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
