I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
