Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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