mondays should just be called national damage control day
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
