1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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