pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize