I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
