dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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