you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
