genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
