Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
