i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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