She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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