so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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