dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
