Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
