I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
