I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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