it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
