Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
