sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
