She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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