dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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