Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
