The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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