your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
