I hate all girls vehemently.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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