i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
